


From Perfect to Perfection

by PeachyChimJimin



Category: VHOPE - Fandom, jihope - Fandom, jikook - Fandom, namjin - Fandom, vkook - Fandom
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Body Dysmorphic Disorder, Bulimia, Depression, Eating Disorders, Hate Speech, Hearing Voices, Hugs, Love/Hate, M/M, Self-Harm, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-08
Updated: 2018-03-08
Packaged: 2019-03-28 14:28:59
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13905999
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeachyChimJimin/pseuds/PeachyChimJimin
Summary: He starved.He cut.He cried.He hated.He died.He loved.He cared.He smiled.He ate.He lived.





	1. Chapter 1 Perfection

**Author's Note:**

> This is a copy from my book on wattpad but its just a longer version since I decided to write it on here.

Jimin

"Jimin-shi its time to wake up Jin made us food." 

Taehyung said. The word food ringing throughout my head as my mouth watered just at the name. I quickly lifted myself up rolling off of the bed to the floor.

"Give me five minutes, okay." I said to Taehyung before rushing into the bathroom. 

"One never look in the mirror because you might see something you don't like." I said to myself. It took me exactly five minutes to finish getting ready.

I greeted Seokjin while entering into the shared kitchen 

"annyeonghigyeseyo hyung." (Means "Hi" in Korean) I said while grabbing a blue glass bowl from the cabinet.

I went to go sit down with the rest of the group at the small table. As I began taking large spoonful's of rice pouring it into my bowl. "Jiminshi don't take all the rice you fatass." Taehyung said in a whining tone with a hint of playfulness in his voice.

"Sorry I'm just really hungry." "Your always hungry never saving food for the rest of us." Namjoon spoke up in a scolding tone. I giggled shaking it off knowing what they were just playing around with me like they did with everyone else right? "Fine here." I said while offering Taehyung some rice. "Yay!." Taehyung quickly shoved rice in his mouth with the chopsticks.

I chuckled at how fast Taehyung was shoving food into his mouth like he hasn't eaten in days. I began picking up small pieces of rice chewing it slowly.

After we were done eating breakfast I quickly went upstairs feeling nauseous my head throbbing and my mouth began creating hot saliva on the sides of my cheecks. 

I quickly fell down onto the bunk bed that me and Taehyung shared grabbing my phone to check what was going on with army.

I scrolled down the army fan site smiling at some of the comments that the fans said.

"Jimin is my bias he is so adorable he is the definition of perfection squeeee!!." I scrolled down looking at more comments. "Tae is such a good person despite having such an embarrassing friend."

My eyes halted onto the comment examining it for a while, my heart began sinking.

"What dose she mean by embarrassing?" I asked myself. I quickly took notice to the reply's littering the bottom of the screen.

Jiminisdisgusting: Ikr I always laugh at how many times he falls he is so clumsy, its probably because hes to fat, and can't hold his weight.

Unknown: Ikr true @Jiminisdisgusting he is so fat and clumsy he slows the group down.

My breath hitched in my throat. I stared down at the screen scrolling through more comments each of them were eitheir about me either being fat, or clumsy.

I stared at the screen my eyes burning from never taking my eyes off of the screen as I scrolled down each comment reading everyone single one. I felt something wet slide slowly down my face. For a minute I thought it was sweat so I wiped it away with my hand, but why would I be sweating when i'm not even moving.

"Because your not sweating your crying stupid."

I looked around the room to see who had said that suddenly panicking that someone else was in the room.

But the room was deserted it was only me in the room.

"Taehyung are you in here." I asked, my voice breaking slightly.

I touched my face noticing tears falling a lot faster and now every time I spoke it sounded as if my voice was breaking slightly, and it was.

I turned off my phone setting it gently on my pillow, I wiped another tear gently falling down my face now admitting that I was crying showing that I was weak and pathetic.

I gently placed my head down on the pillow now thinking back to all the times when everyone would make fun of my height, my cheeks, my weight, my appearance, my everything.

I shoved my face into my pillow tears now streaming down my face nonstop, no matter how much I wanted them too.

After what felt like hours of me crying, mentally reading each comment over and over again to myself. I heard the room door open and shut. After what felt like forever of shuffling feet and humming I felt someone slip into my bed wrapping there arms around me breathing against my neck.

"Jiminshi you still awake?" Tae said while sighing.

I stayed quiet not wanting to sound weak in front of my best friend, not wanting to give away that fact that i was crying, I felt ashamed.

"Jiminshi answer me I know your awake you take more then a five minutes to fall asleep." Taehyung announced now annoyed with the fact that i'm ignoring him.

I took a deep breath faking a yawn before turning around to face Taehyung. I could feel Taehyung getting closer to the now tear stained spot.

"Tae can I ask you something?"

"Anything." Taehyung said snuggling closer into my chest.

"Do you perhaps think.. that i'm gaining a little bit of weight?" I asked him my voice staying 100 percent clear of any signs that I was crying.

Taehyung sighed his hot breath now hitting on my chest as he spoke.

"Jiminshi listen to me, stop worrying about how you wheigh all the time its starting to worry me." Taehyung breathed out sleepiness in his voice.

I hummed, then let out a deep sigh as Taehyungs grip loosened meaning he was now falling asleep.

"Do you think I need to change, and if anyyhing what would it be."

I asked the now asleep Taehyung.

I heard no response come from the taller, except the sound of exhaling signalling that he was now fully asleep.

Maybe I should really stop eating so much maybe I should be more like Jung kook he was the definition of P.E.R.F.E.C.T.I.O.N not me.

Maybe I should really start being less of a mess and more like him.

Even though I try hard to make army happy, practicing routines till perfection, always staying happy for them, and always staying positive.

I guess its still not enough I need to change, something about my appearance starting with my eating habits. I will perfect them till PERFECTION!


	2. Chapter 2 Perfecting Eating Habits

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to do a little editing around with the text, so if you read this story on wattpad it is not the same.

Jimin

I awoke the the sound of the my alarm blaring in my ears.

I jolted up from my laying down position making the covers slip slowly off of me. I gently tapped the alarm hitting the snooze button making it become silent.

I stretched both of my arms rolling my neck in circles to relieve my sore muscles. I looked down to notice that Taehyung was no longer in the bed leaving no signs that he even slept next to me. I quickly erased the thoughts from my head standing up to put both of my arms in air to stretch the rest of my sore body. I grabbed my phone, and began to head for the bathroom to begin my morning routine.

As I stepped in the shared bathroom, I quickly noticed a giant figure standing in the mirror making me clutch my heart slightly scared. I examined it closer noticing that the giant figure in the mirror was me. I pinched the bride of my nose, wrinkling in disgust as I took in my giant features mainly my cheeks. I shut the bathroom door locking it behind me.

"Disgusting, Disgusting," I repeated to myself. "Clumsy, fat, and ugly." I began washing my face applying the whitening face cream that was a must. I rinsed my face, finishing my routine off with a splash of water to my face. I stood on my tippy toes turning around so I could examine my body. Just remembering yesterday I wouldn't even dare to look at myself in the mirror. I pinched my calves pinching at all the fat that was surrounding it roughly digging my nails into them.

I let out a deep sigh, before grabbing my phone from the sink and leaving the bathroom. I made my way downstairs as I noticed that no one was anywhere in sight. "Seokjin, Hope, Tae?" "Anyone?" I called out hoping to get a response. After hearing no response

I grabbed out my phone checking to see if there was any clues to where everyone went. I quickly took notice to the red sticky note hanging from the wall. I put my phone away ripping the sticky note from the wall. Mentally reading it to myself, "We are going to be out for a while since today is our day off we didn't want to wake u from your sleep so we just took Taehyung call if you need anything." "Oh and help yourself to some rice that we left for you since we know you love rice." Love Seokjin. <3

I ripped up the sticky note throwing it in the trash. "They probably just didn't want to take me out since I can never control what i eat consuming every food in sight." I sighed walking into the kitchen noticing a bowl with chopsticks full with rice sitting on the counter.

I groaned remembering what I promised myself last night. "Starting with my eating habits." I grabbed the bowel of rice, dumping it down the disposal, while turning on the switch. I drowned out the noise of the disposal, staring off into space until I was snapped out of my thoughts. I remembered why I came down here was to watch some TV. The food was long gone and the disposal was still making a blending noise. I turned of the switch making my stomach growl. I grabbed a glass of water drinking five glasses until I was full, hoping that it was just water hungry.

I made myself comfortable on the couch, taking out my phone to see what Army has been talking about. knowing it proabably about me but yet again your not important. I was about the click on the fan app until I heard the front door open and close. "Why are they back so quick?" I quickly turned around to see who it was. Telling by the brown mop of hair it was Jung kook just coming in.

Why was he here so early didn't he go out with the group. I got up placing my phone onto the couch helping the younger with his stuff. "Thank you hyung." Kookie said while rolling his neck around.

"Are you hungry?" I asked hoping that he would say no. "A little, is there anything to eat?" Kookie asked while rubbing his stomach. I instantly regretted pouring the rice down the drain now. "Um.. I can find you something." "Ok." I sprinted into the kitchen searching for any leftovers. I quickly spotted some kimchi, and rice. I took it out popping it into the microwave to warm it up.

"Here you go." I said while placing the now warm food in front of the younger with chopsticks. "Thanks hyung." the younger said giving me his bunny smile, making me blush. I quickly turned around fanning my face my cheeks suddenly feeling hot.

I grabbed my phone sitting on the opposite side of kookie while he was eating making me suddenly feel hungry again I was now glancing over at his food every now and then "Control Jimin" I whispered to myself. "Hyung did you eat?" Kookie asked now looking at me with a concerned look "Dang it he noticed, why are you such a pig?"

"no." "Yes why do you ask?" I asked now looking up from my phone to lock eye contact with the younger. "I can hear your stomach growling from all the way over here." My hands began to shake hoping that he wouldn't find out that I hadn't eaten and then he would most likley offer me his food.

"No i'm fine just have to use the restroom." I said quickly saying anything that came to mind. "Ew, hyung, go to the restroom." The younger announced now focusing his gaze back to his phone, while chuckling. I quickly got up my face reddening once again from embarrassment, but silently praising that he believed me.

I entered the bathroom now feeling the urge to pee. "To much water." I thought to myself. I used the restroom, washing my hands, then leaving the bathroom. Adding two things to my list. "Two never look at your self more then one time everyday." I noticed that the younger was no longer sitting at the glass table and his food was half eaten. I gulped now focusing my gaze onto the rice. "Control, Control." I repeated to myself. I walked upstairs now peeking into the room that Kookie shared with Namjoon.

"Are you going to finish eating." I asked the younger silently hoping that he would want to. "No i'm full." The younger said now looking up and back at his phone. "Ok" I closed the door quietly going back downstairs to get rid of the half eaten food. But instead found myself picking up a grain and hovering it over my mouth. "What are you doing remember your a pig remember, put that down." I glanced around to see who said that but there was no one in sight once again.

I sighed quickly placing it back down and bringing it into the kitchen to place it on the counter. I thought of how I could overcome this urge for food. A bright idea popped up into my head making me run to the restroom grabbing out the scale that was resting besides the toilet. I stepped on it turning it on waiting for the calculations to show up.

59.3 the numbers showed up in blue. I smiled slightly happy that my weight was different from yesterday. Which was around 62 kilo. "Jimin you have to do this just until your perfect, then you can go back to eating normal and the fans will love you they will adore, you just have to reach 50 pounds and everything will be fine." I heard the familiar voice in the back of my head say. I had a terrible feeling in my stomach about this. "This will distract you, every time the numbers go higher, It will remind you of how much a pig you are, and that'll sure stop you." The familiar voice said, but I just shook it off as my own. A smile came to my face happy that I was now perfecting my eating habits.

\-------


	3. Chapter 3 Are You Okay?

Narrator

Its been three weeks and Jimin has stuck to what he said.

Constantly checking his weight after every meal seeing if he went up a little, from just eating one grain of rice. The members began to notice his change in eating and try to offer him some food but he continues to deny it saying that he ate already. Taehyung was the first to notice Jimin's strange behavior and thought about what he asked him last night.

"Am I fat." The sound of Jimin's raspy voice asked him. He knew that day Jimin was crying and he wanted to comfort him because thats what bestfriends do. He wanted to stay with Jimin cuddle and protect him from any nightmares. But he decided to leave him anyway and go with the band to the amusment park. He didn't want any of the memebers bothering Jimin so he decided he would go instead.

But now this strange behavior has gone to far for his liking and its starting to worry Taehyung but Jimin would never dare keep any secrets from Taehyung he promised that when he first met him right?

Jimin

Once I again I was sitting down to an bowl full of rice the members now conversing in their own conversation leaving me alone with the bowl of rice, and meat. I slowly picked up a pair of chopstick feeling a pair of eyes on me. I peeked a glance to see who was watching me. Taehyung was glancing at me every now and then, but when I had turned in his direction he would turn away. I rolled my eyes now facing back towards the bowl of food that terrified me. I slowly brang the chopsticks now full with rice to my mouth, shaking slightly as I did so, I thought about the scale and how I was finally at 53 kilo, I was so close, I had finally overcome my urge for food. I cant back down now. I took a deep sigh before setting them back down and rushing to the restroom upstairs. I stood in the mirror now allowing myself to look at my reflection in the mirror. 

I sighed seeing my cheeks swollen and my eyes puffy from having just woken up from a nap, but what bothered me the most was my tired dark eyes, and my hair was becoming so sensitive, each time I touch it strands begin to fall out, my body felt cold and itchy, and my skin was dry. I hated how I looked, even more disgusting then from the beginning, I'll never be perfect. I dragged the scale from under the sink waiting for the numbers to calculate. 

55.6 kilo I groaned raking my hands through my hair, "How did I gain weight I didn't eat anything." I stepped of the scale running out of the bathroom to accidently run into Taehyung. I groaned, from the strong impact, looking up to face him. "Sorry." I spoke up, my voice coming out in a waver. "Don't you dare cry Jimin." I quickly sucked it up waiting for Taehyung to move. But he just stood there staring at me confusion written across his face, and worry.

I quickly tried to make a getaway but was stopped by him blocking my path. I began trying to find every getaway before he could grab my arm and pull me into our shared room. "Sit." He spoke out, his voice gave me shivers. I quickly sat down not wanting the taller boy to get angry. He sat down right beside me making me tense up. "Jimin please don't block me out I know your hiding something for me." The taller boy spoke out in a more calm tone. "Taehyung i'm fine really, I feel just fine, i'm not hiding anything I swear." I hated lying to him, hated ignoring him, hated making him sad and worried about someone so unimportant like me. 

"Jimin don't lie to me when I first meant you promised that you would never lie to me and we would always tell each other our problems," "Well nothing is wrong with me and I'm not hiding anything, and for your information i'm perfectly fine I swear."

Taehyung now was facing me seriousness in his eyes. "Jimin are you still worrying about your weight?" Taehyung was now serious his eyes locked onto mines. "Yes Tae it has everything to do with that." "No Tae it has nothing to do with that." He gave a sigh of relief still facing me. "I just feel stressed, because of our choreography, thats all." I said, giving him a forced smile. He began chuckling, making me confused. "Jimin, If you do feel that way how about we go to the studio tomorrow, just me and you, we could get some practice in." Tae said, smiling at me. I thought about it before agreeing. 

"Great! Well you should come back downstairs to eat your food its still been untouched." I rolled my eyes when Tae turned around to walk out the door. I soon followed him downstairs sitting back down to my bowl of rice. The members were still talking and Tae now joined them laughing at every joke Kookie made.

I stared down at my bowl of rice, gulping every now and then. "You are not going to eat that fat pig find another way to get rid of it, remember 59. 6 kilos is not something to be proud of. I thought to myself did the numbers go up last time I checked it was 55.6 kilos. I groaned knowing I was talking to no one. A thought quickly came to my head maybe the steam from the food was probably making me gain weight. "UGH FUCK" I grabbed my bowl bringing it into the kitchen to throw it down the disposal. I let my hands gently rake my hair letting out a low sigh as I hit the switch. I quickly put it to a stop to hear if the members were still talking, and hadn't heard the disposal.

Of course they were they don't care about me they probably think I'm fat too that I should be doing this. I groaned walking quickly out of the kitchen not daring to look at anyone I ran upstairs tears now making its ways down my face, I was so done and fed up. But what I heard next almost made me want to end it. "Fatass, clumsy." I turned around to see Taehyung now looking at me an mocking look on his face. "Did he say that?" "Of course he did he's the only one looking at you, like that. "No, No, NO!." Tears were now creeping up on me much faster then expected. 

But soon it turned into anger making me glare at him. I saw him give me a concerned look, making me disgusted and roll my eyes. I felt my heart began to break, as I ran upstairs trying to hold back my tears, but it was no use when I stepped into my room. I locked the door my tears now creeping from the corner or my eyes.

I sat down on my bed tears were now coming faster making little hiccups and chocked sobs come from my voice. But Tae didn't come to check on me nor did he come to sleep in the room. I soon started to get sleepy my head throbbing from all of the crying. Snot was now making its way from my nose. My tears now dried from the crying. I heard the door know rattling repeatedly. I knew that Tae was trying to get in but I didn't want anyone to see me right now not like this anyway, and especially not him. "Fatass, clumsy." The words now rushing in like water making me want to cry again but my head hurt like shit and my stomach growled. I punched my stomach roughly making me groan from the strong impact. 

I thought to myself that I was not going to perfect my eating habits from crying now was I no I wasn't I can't cry over someone who calls me fat even tho its true I love someone who calls me clumsy even tho that's the truth. And I won't tell him that I'm not okay because I'm fine. I just want to be perfect, is there anything wrong with that? I thought to myself as I let sleep take over me. 

"Love."


	4. Chapter 4 Leave Me Alone

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I messed up on the tagging this is supposed to be a Jikook BTW!.

Taehyung

I awoke to the sound of Kookie snoring beside me flashbacks from last night came into my mind.

I watched as Jimin walked into the kitchen his bowl of rice now resting in his hands. It was a few moments of silence before I heard the disposal turn on making a blending noise. And then there were few moments of silence before I heard a groan as Jimin made his way out of the kitchen making his way up the stairs. But then he suddenly stopped turning around to fix his gaze on me I could see his eyes beginning to water before they made their way down his fluffy cheeks. I felt terrible and confused, concerned for him.

I looked at him my mind clouding with questions of why he was crying. Wanting to ask him what was wrong he looked so fragile like one word would break him. His expression changed from fragile to cold and harsh making my hairs on my arm stand up. He looked disgusted with me his eyes never leaving mines. I tried to give him a little smile but was returned with him rolling his eyes and disappearing up the stairs. 

I began walking wanting to go after him but was stopped as a hand grabbed my wrists. "Hyung where are you going were not even done eating." Kookie now spoke out his voice sounding concerned almost as if he knew what was going on but he didnt. "Did he even notice Jimin missing?" "Did any of them?" I sighed in defeat knowing that Jimin didn't want to be bothered right now he was just probably stressed out and needed space I will try to talk to him later his face once coming into my mind again replaying it over and over again in my head.

I sighed walking back to my sit and taking a sit as I finished listening to kookie jokes. I let out a little giggle as Kookie started tickling me making me begin screaming and laughing. "K-K-Koo- KOOKIE STOP IT!!!!" I screamed letting out a squeal my thoughts now focused on trying to escape from the younger's tickles.

After what felt like forever of kookie tickling me nonstop. My stomach now pinched and my waist hurt. We finished eating and cleaned up. The hyungs left even kookie leaving me to wash the dishes. After I was through washing the dishes I made my way to me and Jimin's shared dorm to try and comfort the shorter boy but it was locked. I sighed messing with the doorknob giving it a few tugs and shakes, but gave up after no one came to open the door.

I finally decided that Jimin probably needed his space since I'm not much of an help anyways. At least that's what I thought. I sighed silently thinking about why Jimin did that why he had poured his food into the drain thinking that no one would notice him. And why did he stare at me like, his face soon came into my head again making me shiver. To admit I have never seen the shorter boy so angry in his life, It is starting to worry me.

I decided since jimin didn't want to be bothered right now to go to the next room that kookie and namjoon shared. I knocked gently on the door silently praying that someone opens it. My prayers are heard as a brown mop of hair pops out of the doorway his bangs covering his eyes slightly. "Sorry to bother you but is it okay if i slept with you." I asked whispering knowing Namjoon was sleeping because of the light snores coming from the other side of the door.

"Sure." Kookie said now letting me slip through the door and get comfortable under the blankets. I fluffed up the pillow staring at the ceiling while kookie silently climbed into bed leaving inches away from us. I heard kookie sigh before turning towards me.

"Whats bothering you hyung." he asked in a calm voice.... a few momments of silence passed before I finally spoke up "Idk really I'm just really worried about Jimin before he went upstairs I noticed that he was crying and he looked really angry at me I have never seen someone so angry at me." I replied now letting a deep sigh escape. I felt something wet and hot fall down my cheeks making its way to my top lip. I gave it a little lick it tasted like salty. Soon more made their way down my cheeks making me shake violently.

I felt kookie now scoot closer to me he snaked his arms underneath mines placing his chin on top of my head. I pushed my head into his chest as I let little sobs come from my mouth. 

It stayed like that for a while. Kookie whispering sweet nothing into my ear while I began to feel warm and soon started to calm down. Before I knew it my eyes began to feel heavy as it let one tear slip down my face before I fell into a well rested sleep. 

I looked down staring at kookie as he let out little snores. I slowly lifted the youngers leg from on top of my stomach getting up slowly so I wouldn't wake him. I placed a gentle kiss on the makane's head silently thanking him for last night. I crept out of the room gently closing the door on my way out. I noticed that me and Jimin's room was now open the light possibly from the sun now filling the gloomy hallways.

I crept down the hallway the cold floorboard creaking making me shudder and feel like I was now in a scary movie. I quickly erased the thoughts from my head and made my way into the room gently shutting it and locking it.

I crept up to Jimins bed seeing that he was now enveloped in his blue blankets only revealing his orange hair. I sat down on his bed wanting to join him in the warmth. I tugged at the blanket making it slip from under him. I quickly wrapped myself in the blankets with him. Feeling warmth and the smell of Jimin invading my nostrils. He smelt like coffee and cologne. I slowly inhaled his scent making me feel like I was in a coffee shop. 

It felt warm and fuzzy the cologne burning my nostrils but at the same time relaxing me. My eyes soon began fluttering and my eyes began to feel heavy as I took in jimins scent a second time now making him face towards me and wrap an arm around my upper body. He let out a deep sigh his breath blowing against mines. I cringed my nose wrinkling at his morning breath but at the same time I smelt coffee the smell now fading slightly and the smell of vomit. My eyes began to feel heavy my eyes blinking 10 times faster then before I slowly felt my eyes closing and I fell off into a deep slumber.

Jimin

I awoke to smell the scent of Taehyung enter my nose. I knew this smell from anywhere, he smelt like ginger and mint. I quickly inhaled his scent a smile creeping it's way onto my lips, loving the smell of ginger and mint combined. But it soon faded as I now realized the person I was currently mad at was sleeping in my bed. I rolled my eyes anger quickly invading my body making me want fo pinch him. I now noticed Taehyung snoring lightly the blankets making us awfully close. I quickly tried to roll myself out of the covers but turns out the opening was on Taehyuns side. I tried to wiggle from beneath but I was wrapped to tight into the blankets. I groaned gasping for air I felt like I was suffocating, and couldn't breath. I pushed Taehyung roughly making him groan in his sleep. Now remembering the reason why I did not want to be anywhere near him. He thought that I was fat and clumsy and just the thought of that made my heart sink made me feel worthless, and angry.

I now noticed there was enough space for me to slip through f**k yeah. I sat in the bed my eyes still feeling a little swollen from all the crying I did, right crying was weak and pathetic. I rushed into the restroom starting my morning routine. I removed my clothes staring at my body up and down noticing that I had gained more weight then before. I stood on my tippy toes now examining my thighs pinching them and tugging at them. I quickly removed my hands from my thighs as I hissed in pain my hands recoiled from my thighs leaving a redish purplish bruise.

I began taking a relaxing shower letting my mind focus on only the water running down my body. I examined my hands as I noticed my fingers began pruning and soon becoming lifless. I quickly turned off the water wrapping a towel around my waist grabbing a second towel to dry my hair. I turned off the light leaving the restroom and the cold air hitting my exposed skin.

I began itching forgetting all about oiling my skin since I get really dry skin. I grabbed my body oil rubbing it on the itching spots. I began to look around the room for something to wear. I placed on a black shirt along with a gray oversized hoodis remember jimin you are still F.A.T. I placed on some sweats since this is the time for my morning jog. I finished drying my hair and brushed it into a simple style. I sprayed on my cologne grabbing my phone and leaving Taehyung and the room behind. As I made my way downstairs I heard the TV playing and the sound of crunching.  
I finally made my way down the last pair of stairs to find jungkook sitting on the couch eating a bowl of cereal. He was too distracted in the show he was watching to notice my leave at least that's what I thought. "Jiminshi are you going to eat when you come back." Jungkook called out. I ignored him shutting the door and plugging my headphones, while clicking on a song to play while I jogged.

~•~

I made my way back into the shared house from my morning jog. I took off my shoes making my way over to the couch to sit down. I pulled out my phone from my pocket looking around to see if jungkook was anywhere to be seen. Before I could turn my gaze back on my phone I heard a loud glass break making me jump up from my seat and sprint into the kitchen. 

I could see jungkook trying to pick up the pieces of glass with his hands muttering words to himself. I chuckled softly to myself making my way towards him so I could pull his hand away from the hazard. "You really are dumb." I said said while chuckling quietly. I quickly grabbed the nearest broom sweeping up the mess. "H-hyung are you perhaps hungry?" the younger asked me giving me a hard stare. 

I gulped knowing that if I didn't probably accept his offer he would get suspicious since I did ignore him when he asked if ignore was hungry. I was cut off from my thoughts as he began standing up making his way to the fridge. "N- "Hyung you haven't eaten all day I know what your going to say but i don't care I'm going to make you food, and your going to eat it that's it." The younger mumbled out while taking a deep breath.

He quickly turned around grabbing out two eggs. As he did that it began giving him a long stare my hands began getting sweaty, and sticky. I quickly wiped my hands on my pants walking towards the younger helping him make the food to get rid of any suspicion he was getting.

It took us more then one hour to finish cooking since I accidently burnt the toast twice, four pieces of bread gone in the trash. I grabbed my plate setting it down on the table kookie now taking a seat beside me and setting down a glass of orange juice.

I gulped "toast around 150cals," "eggs around 60 or 150cals since there whites. I gulped now focusing on the orange juice. "180cals." " Why is everything so high geez." I could feel kookie now watching me every move I made and listened to every noise I made. My hands began feeling sweaty again, and my stomach began twisting painfully. I immediately knew that I was not going to get away with this one. I slowly picked up my fork the cold metal coming in contact with my skin. 

I gulped as I heard a voice making me stop. "I dare you eat that you won't like what you see and I promise you that this is for the best." I dropped my fork turning to my side to see kookie not looking up at me anymore his gaze fixed on his phone. "What the fuck who said that." I sighed knowing I was probably losing my mind. "Hyung do you not like the food you haven't touched a single pieice." Kookie voice now filled the silent room making me turn sideways once again to face him. 

I really just wanted to tell him to leave me the fuck alone why can't he just leave me alone, why dose he give a shit if I eat or not I'm not his business and I'm definitely not his priorty. I gave a fake cough trying to make it sound as real as possible. "Jungkook you know what I'm really exhausted from all the running I did and I feel like I'm catching a cold can you save my food for me." I now spoke out keeping my gaze on the younger as I spoke praying, hoping that he would let this one slide. He looked at me like i wax stuped giving me a hard stare before sighing. "Okay hyung I will save it you can go upstairs and rest." Kookie now spoke up reaching over me to grab my plate.

To grab my plate and place it on the kitchen counter. As he was in the kitchen I did my happy dance getting up and running upstairs, I finally skipped yet another meal but why do I feel so fucking guilty now like I betrayed someone I ignored the feeling in my stomach that began to fade I closed my door gently and wrapped myself in the covers giving a heavy sigh I thought about what I said knowing it was the worst excuse it could make up. 

"It was for the best jimin." I groaned pulling the blankets over my head and staring at the dresser in front of me. I thought about how kookie reacted when I had said that making me slightly nervous that he knows my disgusting secret. But was quickly brushed off as the door opened.


	5. Chapter 5 Sighs

Taehyung

I awoke with a jut as I was pushed roughly making me groan and slowly open my right eye. I took a long yawn before rubbing my eyes with the tips of my fingers removing my eye crust at the same time. I felt the bed dip then the weight being lifted. I was fully awake now as I sat up using my arm for support.

I looked around the room now noticing I had fallen asleep in Jimin's bed. I heard the shared bathroom door open the close with a loud thud and my gaze feel on Jimin he was wearing a towel covering his bottom half exposing his top half. 

I licked my dry lips, letting myself fall back down onto the soft pillow.

The shorter decided to put on a white shirt with an over sized hoodie, and some sweatpants. I noticed how every now and then Jimin would sigh and mumble something. 

He walked towards the door giving a last long sigh before exiting the room closing the door with a soft click. After the door closed shut, I quickly got up out of the bed almost tripping from how fast I had gotten up. I licked my no longer dry lips a second time.

I walked to the restroom to get myself cleaned up before I headed downstairs.

.^. 

I made my way downstairs to see Kookie munching on a bowl of cereal with a blanket on top of his head. I sighed walking over to him but was pushed out of the way,

"Hyung move I cant see," The makane said while whining and giving me a shove.

I gave the younger a death glare, then sat down on the couch next to him resting my head on his shoulder while I watched the show with him. The Makane slowly munched on his cereal while he stared at the TV moving his eyes along with the changing of pictures, and scenes the screen going black every time it was the next scene. 

"You know if you look at the screen to long you might go blind." I broke the silence in the room making the Makane glance over at me and pout. 

"Hyung don't say stuff like that you know good and well there just myths." I chuckled patting the Makanes head. "Then why are you pouting like that if you know there not true." I said sticking out my tongue.

The makane rolled his making me replay the scene back to last night when Jimin had looked at me like he was disgusted with me, I knew that I was going to have to talk to him today. My mood had changed from happy to depressed making me slouch my shoulders and pout. I gave a sigh as I now rested my head on the Makane's lap now his hands were free from holding the bowl of cereal to play in my hair. I leaned into his touch as he made little twist with my hair mumbling how soft it was.

After a few minutes of Kookie playing with my hair making little twist and swirls with his fingers, I started to become sleepy, my eyes closing slightly. 

But soon the support from underneath my head moved making me hit the couch with a thump. "Ya-." I was cut off as I heard the door slam.

I peeked up from the couch quickly taking notice to the silver haired boy who was dripping in sweat. He looked like an exhausted mess his hair sticking to his face making the gray color become damp, and his legs slightly shaking from the long run. I rolled off of the couch falling quietly onto the ground. I wormed my way over to the right arm of the couch to hide behind it. I heard the footsteps drawing closer as I heard the couch making a shuffle noise then became silent as a sigh was released.

It was a few moments of silence before a loud sound of glass breaking went off in the kitchen. I quickly got up looking around the room but there was no sign off Jimin on the couch. I could hear chuckles and mumbles coming from the kitchen. 

I walked slowly over to the source peeking in the kitchen. There had been glass on the floor and Jimin was now sweeping it up, Kookie was smiling while mummbling something to the shorter boy. I sighed knowing everything was okay. I made made my way from the scene and to the front door. I opened the door quietly as the warmth touched my skin. I smiled shutting the door and locking it.

~.~  
Taehyung

I opened the front door quietly shutting it behind me to be meant with silence. I made my way into the kitchen but there was no sign of any of the members I wonder if their still sleeping. I thought about how we only had one more day of break until we have to learn our new choreography. I gave a long sigh before making my way upstairs into me and Jimin's room. I had to talk to him somehow.

Jimin

I heard the door open and shut making me peek who had just walked in. I saw that it was Taehyung making me roll my eyes and glare at the boy. 

I heard a loud sigh come from the taller boy making me give a fake cough. I heard the sound of feet moving closer making loud thuds against the floor. Then the bed dipped making me squirm away to the other side of the bed. 

"Jimin could I talk to you for a minute." I could hear the nervousness in Taehyungs voice making me stop squirming. I swiftly lifted myself up keeping my gaze on my hands as I played with my thumbs digging my nails into them. 

"Talk." I said. "J-J......" Taehyung tried to find the words but instead let out a whine.

I turned my gaze to him now seeing tears form in his eyes making me regret how I had talked to him. I snapped out of my thoughts reminding myself why I was so angry at this boy.

"Taehyung listen I-." I was cut off as Taehyung gave a long sigh interrupting what I had said I glared at the boy attempting to talk again. "Tae li-." I was cut off again with Taehyung giving a loud cough.

"Okay go ahead say what u want." I held my hands up in defeat placing it back into my lap.

It was a moment of silence before a heard a a loud making me glance at the taller boy. "JIMIN I DON'T GET YOU ONE MOMENT YOUR TELLING ME ALL YOUR PROBLEMS AND WERE PROMISING EACH OTHER THAT WE WONT KEEP SECRETS, THEN YOUR AVOIDING, LOCKING ME OUT OF MY ROOM, GIVING ME DEATH GLARES WHEN I OBVIOUSLY DID NOTHING WHAT THE HELL JIMIN!" 

Taehyung yelled out making me stare at him no words making its way to my mouth, as I saw tears making their way down his cheeks forming a river. I glared at him my words coming out in stutters "Y-y- ughhhh YOU DO NOT HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE MAD AT ME I-I Y-." I was cut off as a tear slipped down my face and my voice began to crack. 

I roughly wiped it away glaring back at the confused boy in front of me. "JIMIN THEN TELL ME WHY I DON'T HAVE THE RIGHT TO BE MAD AT YOU HUH? TELL ME!" "YOU CALLED ME FAT TAE!" I blurted out making Taehyungs eyes widen then stare at me. I saw it there was pity in his eyes. I scoffed regretting even telling him. "Jimin." "Don't you fucking dare Jimin me, Tae just don't." I gave him a cold gaze trying my best not to break down. 

I lifted myself from the bed walking towards the door I heard Taehyungs feet following after me making me turn around. The taller boy grabbed me embracing me in his arms. 

"Chim Chim listen to me please don't push me away, I would never call you fat and even if I did as joke, Jimin you are perfect to me please Jimin don't go right now I need you, your my friend and I care for you I have the right to know whats going on." Taehyung whispered into my ear his breath smelled of cheap mouthwash. 

I let out a sigh knowing I was going to regret this.

"Tae I really have no idea myself, one moment I'm fine then the next moment, I feel like i'm going crazy Tae, I tell myself negative things a lot, even though it sounds nothing like me. I think you guys are secretly talking about me and whispering rude things, I-I just don't know what to do anymore."

I now broke down wet hot tears made their ways down my cheeks blurring my vision. I felt Tae wrap his arms around me tighter. "J-." Panic began to rise in me making me yell out.

"DON'T TOUCH ME I'M DISGUSTING PLEASE JUST DON'T!" I screamed alarming Taehyung to let go. I ran to the bed hiding under the covers gasping for air. I felt my heart quickening and tears were coming nonstop my forehead was beading with sweat. 

"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN HERE!" I heard NamJoon bust into the room making me feel suddenly even more panicked. It was a moment of silence the room echoing with my cries. I felt the bed dip and mumbling. "Hyung don't touch him he's calm down a little, if you do you will probably make him panic again." I could hear Taehyung's voice coming out concerned, and worried. I heard multiple footsteps the other members filling the room. There were whispers I could hear them talking about me. I hated myself right now and how I couldn't stop myself from feeling this way, I knew I was probably worrying them, but yet again they wouldn't worry about someone like me.

I layed under the covers. My body was now dripping with sweat, my tears had soaked my shirt and my nose was runny, making me sniffle every time my nose felt wet. The room was silent, but everyone remained they just didn't want to say anything. "Hyung are you okay?" I could hear Kookie's concerned voice. 

I slowly lifted up the covers sticking out my head first then the rest of my body. I felt the cool air touch my skin, I felt like I could breath again.

"I-I'm fine." I broke the suffocating silence making everyone turn their heads to look at me. I felt bad for making them worry. "Their not worried about you, they just pity you." I heard a voice say. "Shutup!." I told myself. 

I began grinning from ear to ear giving the members my best smile. "Jimin do you want to be alone right now?" Jin was now staring at me sympathy in his eyes his smile was forced. "Yes please." I finally made the words come out without tripping over them. Everyone stood up except Jungkook leaving the room.

"Hyung could we talk for a minute?" Kookie said, breaking the awkward silence.

I stared at my hands playing with my thumbs. "mhm," I gave him a nod of the head. I could see the younger smile and got up from his current position seating himself on my bed.

I felt a little bit more comfortable with the younger at my side. I wanted to cuddle him. I extended out my hands to grab the makane's shirt. I pulled him toward me and into my arms. I now had my arms wrapped around the younger inhaling his sweet scent, a mixture of soap and baby powder.

I pet the younger's head making him relax in my arms. "H-hyung could you tell me whats going on why were you so upset?" The makane spoke in a muffled voice since his head was now in the crook of my neck, sending shivers down my spine. 

"Sorry, for making you worry about me like this, I know your scared and i'm not upset, I just wasn't feeling myself today." The younger let out a sigh wrapping his arms around my waist. "Hyung are you perhaps still hungry?" the younger asked. 

The word "hungry" clouded my mind, making me stare off into space and forget everything around me. 

"Hyung is something wrong?" I was snapped out of my thoughts as the younger spoke. 

"hmm..." I felt the need to cry, "Why was I feeling like this?" I let out a whine trying to hold back my emotions in front of the younger, not wanting to worry him anymore. I placed my face on the younger's shoulder, as I felt hot tears make its way down my cheeks. I could feel the younger moving closer making me uncomfortable, but all I really needed was warmth.

I inhaled the younger's scent as he wrapped his arms around me. I was hesitant before I hugged him back placing my nose in the crook of his neck. I gripped his shoulders wetting his shirt with my tears. I let out little cries, as I felt the younger hold me tighter and whisper soothing words. I could tell that Jung kook was inhaling my scent as he inhaled and exhaled. We stayed like that for a few minutes, silence soon occupying the room.


End file.
